we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
