Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
