so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize