He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
she pinky promised me she was 18
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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