Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
