are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
