considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize