I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
