If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
