I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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