omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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