i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
