I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
