I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
