It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
