it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
