we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
no you cant smoke seaweed
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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