I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize