remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize