Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
