I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
