Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We just shotgunned beers for America
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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