Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I will be naked everywhere
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
