Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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