He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
