hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
