You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
ugly people sure do ruin things
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
