I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
