Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
