I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
