i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
