definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
