How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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