Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
