His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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