So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
