Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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