just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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