can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
