i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize