I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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