I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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