last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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