Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
should my penis look like a turkey
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
