You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
