Me. At least after what I've been through.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
