I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
