I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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