I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
