well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
