hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
