Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
