You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
