You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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