so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
