I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
