she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
