and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
