I'm gonna have a badass scar
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize