I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
