I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
