she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
