Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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