She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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