somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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